Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
