Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
it's great music for shaving your balls
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
