no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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