My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I checked into jail on foursquare
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
