The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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