it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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