I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.