I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"