Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.

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(303): View more from Colorado

i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk

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(573): View more from Missouri

Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(760): View more from California

BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?

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(530): View more from California

Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.

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(909): View more from California

Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?

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(480): View more from Arizona

Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.

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