Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.

  (716): View more from New York

  i dont this its possible to queef on command.

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  (630): bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face. (716): i dont this its possible to queef on command. http://tfl.nu/u9ov
  Replies (90) Good night (943) Bad night (2866)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am

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  (757): if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am http://tfl.nu/cj17
  Replies (24) Good night (4051) Bad night (575)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him

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  (631): Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him http://tfl.nu/sdh3
  Replies (53) Good night (5466) Bad night (1054)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?

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  (912): Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance? http://tfl.nu/favq
  Replies (39) Good night (4858) Bad night (886)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.

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  (973): we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle. http://tfl.nu/il9h
  Replies (33) Good night (8089) Bad night (1409)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech

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  (905): Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech http://tfl.nu/je9d
  Replies (19) Good night (4033) Bad night (1710)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  she told me i tasted like america

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  (206): she told me i tasted like america http://tfl.nu/ed46
  Replies (31) Good night (7871) Bad night (1210)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.

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  (609): You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke. http://tfl.nu/1rx3
  Replies (8) Good night (6937) Bad night (1207)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life

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  (708): i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life http://tfl.nu/nn4z
  Replies (32) Good night (1897) Bad night (5933)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love

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  (407): I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love http://tfl.nu/zj41
  Replies (14) Good night (3866) Bad night (1171)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.

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  (912): Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane. http://tfl.nu/mwfa
  Replies (4) Good night (1830) Bad night (833)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.

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  (973): I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian. http://tfl.nu/8wfu
  Replies (10) Good night (2002) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...

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  (715): I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to... http://tfl.nu/6wxx
  Replies (8) Good night (528) Bad night (1344)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude

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  (302): Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude http://tfl.nu/fr3g
  Replies (12) Good night (772) Bad night (1393)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.

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  (818): I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night. http://tfl.nu/z1vu
  Replies (1) Good night (720) Bad night (153)

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