im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
