He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.