I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal