You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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