I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
