so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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