He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
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I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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