she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
