Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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