Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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