some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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