The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize