So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
