Nicole vs. Life
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
