u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
