I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my mouth tastes like poor choices
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize