do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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