I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
