You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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