He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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