I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
