And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
