perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
