I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
