apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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