I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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