yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
