so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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