I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
