Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
