there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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