I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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