I think i sorta joined a cult last night
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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