i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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