I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just send me my own nude
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize