dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think your dad took our porno
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
