She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
