Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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