dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
