i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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