Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
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i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
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THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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