Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
