If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
is wine microwaveable?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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