it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
