I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
