you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
