I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Randomize
