apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
