I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You were trust falling into bushes
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
