Christians are straight up FREAKS
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
