i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
