That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
