4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
