this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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