seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
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