i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
