Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
