I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So squirting runs in the family.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
