Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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