so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
