Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
A bitchslap is in order.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
