You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We have so much sex to catch up on
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
